Contemplation, for the Forgotten
by masamune11
Summary: Riku contemplates, about the bearer of the blue eyes who had cease to exist. But those eyes resembles those he knew too well, which adds his guilt even more. They had forgotten her, for better or worse. Xion x Riku, if you squint hard enough.


Disclaimer: I honestly swore that I don't own any franchise regarding Kingdom Hearts series. Honestly, the reason I wrote this fanfic in the first place is because of hearing a certain CC:FFVII OST and brandishing my English skills. So yeah, that's about it.

I admit, the idea of this fanfic is really random and only the product of boredom. As such, I beg your forgiveness for the utter randomness. No specific pairing, but you could notice Xion x Riku… if you squint hard enough.

Enjoy.

*~*~*~*

Every time Riku saw the blue eyes which belong to the puppet, he would be taken aback. Those blue eyes resembled those whom he cherishes the most: his _friends_. The two of them bore the same blue eyes, just like the seas and the skies, blended together in perfect harmony and… tranquility.

Those eyes… they resembled the nothingness lying beneath. Those blue eyes bore the nothingness of which all of them—like nobodies were fated not to be—would have to accept: that they cannot feel. He would picture a blond-haired boy, wielding his keyblade—_Sora's _keyblade—and gazed at the world with emotions.

_Faked _emotions; how fake it was, the silver-haired teen would never know.

The gentle sea breeze made slivers of his hair waved, as though playing with the wind itself. The gesture tickled his cheeks, but he paid it no mind. His green eyes were so transfixed at the sunset before him, while his mind trying to focus the blue eyes which belong to that _puppet_—the only thing that were never eaten away by time, no matter how meddlesome the witch had stepped in to regain control over the situation. This line of thinking might perhaps cross the mind of the Way to the Dawn keyblade, if not for the fact that he has forgotten. Thus, what lingers was just how those eyes would actually meet his, and how Riku would gaze upon it and see another.

Sunsets always made him think. The thought itself were never far from that which belongs to the _puppet_.

A deep sigh escaped his lips, unnoticed even by the keybearer. These days, even after going home back to the island he once hated and loved contemplations become the tea which colored his life. It was… some sort of sweet torment for the mind; addicting, and always reminded him to stick with his sanity. This thought—apart from rescuing Sora, self-blame, and wishes to set things right—had been able to save him from the brink of insanity. The time when he could think is the time when darkness may be in the far away distance… or just mere steps from the teen's heart.

Thinking. Contemplating. _Mourning_.

Green eyes blink. The words were still placed firm, lucid even, in the back of his mind. Thinking and contemplating may have been the very thing which he was doing right about now, yet…mourning? For whom did he mourn? Was it for the Nobody who knew that his time is limited and was forced to return to his original self? Was it to him, who could only place his redemption as a mere dream?

Was it to someone whom he had known, yet forgotten? Maybe... the bearer of those blue eyes?

The green-eyed teen shook his head. 'Absurd', he brushed out the thought so quickly that it did not even last for seconds. Of course, those blue eyes would seem familiar; they belong to his friends, _Nobodies_ or not. Sora and Kairi bore the same gleam, reflection of blues staring ahead of the world. Mourning over the bearer of those blue eyes would be absurd; the two of them were already in the island, and he—alongside Sora—had fulfilled the unsaid promise…

Promise of Return.

His hand reached out towards his eyes. Somehow, there's something amidst; like a vacant hole existing in the fullness of his, formerly-tainted heart. There was someone _missing_, in the link of his memories… alongside the things which he _should _just forget.

He knew whom to turn, relating memories and hearts. As much as he would love to, speaking about those things with a certain blonde would only bring frown for him… or a guilty look from the asked girl. For the person—no, _nobody—_who bore the fault for causing so much unprecedented happening, Riku can only harbor pity towards the girl. Yet, those feelings would eventually lessen for each and every time he saw Kairi smiled; because he knew, beyond the somebody's smile, lies a happier nobody—if even she could feel.

Somehow, he did not have the heart to be the one to, once again, place frown over Kairi's feature.

His right hand wanted to jab something. Contemplations might be good for the health of his sanity. Yet, if his contemplations do not result some sort of resolution—at the very least, about the bearer of those blue eyes—frustration threatened to overcome self-control. Anger management may perhaps his thing… only towards his enemies, but not himself.

"Riku? I thought you were already back."

The words were slow at first and slowly advance quickly. Riku noticed the pattern of his speech, and the frown which was notably present ten seconds before his coming was now replaced with a smirk. Sora's presence had been one of the things which could maintain his frustration to a safer level. Riku acknowledged him as the only person who could actually did that, aside from Kairi that is.

However, Riku did not turn to face the brunette, as the thought of the blue eyes back at cue; nor did he return the greetings that Sora had gave him.

The brunette frowned behind his back; if such response was the very thing he could get, then his best friend was actually contemplating about something which is usually not worth… contemplated.

The thought about darkness crossed Sora's mind, only to make his frown even bitter.

Quietly, Sora took a space just next to the silver-haired teen, but he did not climb to seat next to him. Instead, the brunette leaned toward the trunk of Paopu tree, with his hands crossed over his chest. For Sora to frown as such, the silver-haired teen had really been able to hit the nerve.

"Contemplating again?"

It was weird, hearing such words coming from the usually gullible brunette. Riku had to give Roxas credits for making Sora thinks more than he used to, because the silver-haired man was certain that the aura his best friend sent was in fact Roxas'. Yet, maybe it was him who did not notice the increased maturity of the brunette itself, as having Roxas to actually take control was never be done—never happen. Roxas will remain to the boy as a shadow—nothing more, nothing less.

"Nope." The silver-haired teen's chin raised up a bit. The green eyes still met the criss-cross of colors, painting the skies in yellows, reds, and violets. His lips tugged a smile; was there anything to be contemplated when he could feel Sora around? None. All of his burdens and thoughts would suddenly disappear in the presence of his close friends… and return the next second they leave. His smile was bitter; had his mind really love such sweet torment? "Not when _either _of you are here."

Not even once in those words had Riku turned towards the brunette. His eyes were still transfixed towards the luminescent sky, figuratively lighted with fire of various colors. Those eyes see distant promises, eternal friendships—the things which the three of them believe. Having eyes like those were never bad; that, Sora had decided. However, that gaze was now filled not only with those feelings but also curiosity, and…

…confusion?

Sora frowned. Riku rarely spaced out, especially not in his nor Kairi's presence. On the side note, he rarely avoided eye contacts when speaking. Thus, seeing at how distant the silver-haired teen had become… the things which may have occurred inside the head of his may relate between darkness, the worlds, and so on; Big matters that even Riku would less likely share with Sora—or even Kairi—due to its complication.

The brunette would love to scoff at the reasoning, if not for the childish part of him telling him not to.

"Seriously though, what's up Riku?" Sora's tone grew curious. If Riku had decided to answer the question without meeting his blue eyes, it is official that nothing would bring out the things which were residing in Riku's mind. However, only for this one time, Sora would do anything so that Riku would spill the beans; he'd been worried, so he deserved as much as an explanation… right?

To his relief, Riku did turn towards him, but he could notice how the green eyes stared at his blue eyes intensely—searching for something. After split seconds, those orbs were already wide-opened, and Riku was avoiding his gaze once more… to Sora's displeasure. Since when had his friend become react like that?

Riku's heart skipped a beat when their eyes met, for no apparent reason; was it out of fear of thinking that it was the same eyes belonging to the forgotten? Riku was too overwhelmed to think that the blue eyes he saw was the same as that of his memory so faint that perhaps it's the only thing which were left of _her_…

Since when had he known the gender of his mysterious forgotten person? Was his heart were trying hard enough to remember? Unknown to him, his effort was fruitless; no hearts could grasp upon information which cease to exist a year ago.

_--"Who am I? What am I here for?"--_

Apparently, reality proved the fact otherwise.

When every bits of his heart could not fathom of the person who bears those blue orbs, the sound of her voice rang out inside his mind; the very voice he could not recognize, but familiar at the same time. It was like when Naminé talked to him in the white void of Castle of Oblivion—when she used Kairi's feature as a figure, to talk to him. Thinking about it very clearly, the presence of the sound did resemble Naminé or Kairi to some extent. Yet, the voice was full of confusion—

--something in his heart twitch, and Riku quickly turned his head towards the brunette, as if it was Sora who had been the source of this confusion. His lips frowned though, as his gaze met the blue-colored orbs… but not Sora's.

It was Roxas'.

"I thought you decided not to take over again." Riku stated, almost coldly, towards the _nobody_ who gained control… perhaps for several minutes to come. Said nobody said nothing, but nodded curtly. Roxas had never actually forgiven the silver-haired youth; true, he had been responsible for the whole fiasco of him returning to his original self. However, if the older teen would actually gave him time to do what he must—relinquishing Xemnas, at that moment—Roxas would actually be glad when he returned back to his original self. But the silver-haired teen gave him not even a little time, to do what he should have done.

"I have questions." Roxas stated simply, while his blue eyes broke the eye contact and gazed upon the colored sky. "I believe you have the answers."

Riku snorted; he just couldn't believe at how this all affair started with his contemplations (Kairi would call this behavior 'brooding', but he paid her no attention). Green eyes traveled again, now towards the vast seas reflecting the redness of the sun. Waves—smaller ones—formed and reeled, hitting the sandy coast in front of them; 'how dynamic' was the only thought which crossed his mind.

"Can't guarantee I have." A smirk, playing narrowly dangerous. Roxas, unlike Sora, was not the type one could mess with easily, especially when one happens to be the most responsible person for blocking his path toward his dream, forever. "Give it a shot, though." Riku continued; the smirk—the taunting one—never faltered even in the presence of intense cold glare.

There was a pause for several seconds, before Roxas decided to speak first.

"For what reasons… have I fought you before, Riku?"

Riku wanted to snort, again. Had he forgotten why the blond boy challenged him in the Memory Skyscraper? He (both referring to Sora and Riku at the same time) was the reason why they fight, wasn't it?

"You were babbling about defeating Xemnas, back then. At least, you remembered as much, right Roxas?" Riku snickered, trying to attract anything out of the poker face feature which Roxas wore. Instead, the blond remain impassive—eyes were now locked upon the shores, searching for something familiar. It caught his eyes almost too quickly; the sight of it reminded him of a long forgotten promise…

A seashell.

Roxas swiftly took one; its color resembled very much of that he found in front of Twilight Town Tower. Even until now, he had been wondering how he had gotten himself the lone seashell, right in front of a tower… after some sort of fiasco. There was a pang of guilt and sadness when he looked back now… but to whom had that feeling been expressed, the boy had no idea at all.

Which leaves the million dollar question: to who had he expressed those feelings? Were they fakes, just like anything that he had felt before? He refused to believe that. He, who had no memories of feelings and emotions, should have been lifeless like he was. After all, Nobodies weren't meant to feel; they just acted upon their memories, while their heads sent the information about what they _should_ feel.

Ergo, what he felt—that pang of guilt, the overwhelming sadness towards apparently _no one_—was _real_.

"…But why did I do that?" The blond's hand was now fiddling with the hard, sandy texture of the seashell. That fateful night, along the days back at the organization, felt completely amidst—something was surely missing. Roxas was so certain of itself, as the seashell in his right hand is the proof of the emptiness.

There was a gap that he could not put… Whatever it was.

:"For whom… did I do that?" Roxas asked calmly. His voice never waned from its former tone. He was expecting a snort coming from the silver-haired teen, but heard none. Golden eyebrows furrowed as his blue eyes travelled from the seashell towards Riku… who was now actually staring at him, curiosity filled the greens. "What?"

Riku did not respond, but he rolled his eyes and let out a sigh.

"I remember." There was trepidation coloring his tone of speech, as though he was remembering something he shouldn't. Somewhere in the back of his mind cursed mentally, telling his heart to stop remembering—there's none to remember, as there's none to forget.

Even the speckles of forgotten memories should remain forgotten, for the greater good.

"You were fighting for someone." Riku said, his eyes tried to see resemblance between the blue eyes he had been visioning in his head; the blue eyes which slowly reveal itself, in the same spot where he sit now. He saw it—every pieces of resemblance between the bearer of those blue eyes and Roxas's, or Sora's for this matter. Arms were crossed over the chest, as his eyes travel toward the seashell which Roxas was holding. "Someone important."

"I never remembered of fighting for _her_."

Riku frowned. Just whom did Roxas refer _her_? In every sense, this would mean that Roxas actually remembered the very person whom he had fought for. Yet, here he was, actually declaring that he _never _remembered. Had he made a promise and forgot about it? Green eyes travelled again, now specifically locked to the spiky-headed teen.

"But who was she?"

He could see how Roxas' hand twitched uncomfortably. The seashell was near from falling; for the first time since holding such delicate material, Roxas couldn't help drifted in his own thought. Suddenly, time seemed to stop for several seconds, before the blond teen sighed. Bitter smile was engraved in his face as he then faced the silver-haired once more. Beyond those blue eyes, Riku could see dullness and…

…glad?

"Who knows? If she was someone important, I shouldn't have forgotten anything about her." When those words left his lips, there was something stirring inside of Roxas… as though mocking him for forgetting the very girl he had known and grew fondness. The feeling was quickly dissolved, as there was none of that to begin with. His imagination always played tricks, and this was one of them.

Roxas paid the feeling no mind—one thing he never actually did in his life that never was.

"Harsh, isn't it… Not being able to remember with whom you made promise." Riku commented, noticing how well the blond took this revelation rather poorly. No matter how hard he could hide whatever happening inside his head, Riku would see through it—after all, Roxas… might have been the Sora who never was; nonetheless, still Sora.

To Riku's surprise, the blond actually laughed, hollowly.

"Yeah, it is."

Both of them did not exchange any more words.

*~*~*~*

His eyes had always been hers.

It should be the other way around though. Xion had always been a memory; she had not been the shadow of the boy—just a plain creation made from memories, destined to lose her identity when she returned to Sora and completed him as a whole. Her purposes… perhaps resemble Roxas' in any way, even though the blond would hardly acknowledge that.

She's just a mere definition.

She had come to terms with that; that she has no place in the equation of life, even between Sora and Roxas. She had always been theirs to begin with—the memories of their loved one, the very fraction of Sora's memory of Kairi. Xion was merely a form of memory, therefore she could not feel… nor did she have the capabilities to decide what Roxas and Sora should do.

However, when those words left her lips—Roxas' lips, to be exact—Xion imagined of being dull.

Never had she imagined of how strong Roxas and Riku could cling to memories of her, even if it just a speck of memory dust. The witch had made it clear there would be nothing left of her—not a speck of memory, not a single thought of her, not even the shred of her non-existent being. Had she messed up? Were there any loose ends which Naminé had left behind purposely? If so, it's understandable.

She could not feel glad—she imagined it.

When she could see the green, she would imagine being thankful towards him—gratitude for making things right; that he shouldn't be wishing for things to be right again, because it had been set as such. She would imagine talking to him, in such manner that the silver-haired teen would receive a friendly slap on his back. She would imagine scolding him for not being able to pull it together or for him to stop contemplating so usually and started thinking about his surroundings.

Yet, she would imagine herself to be right next to him and telling him that it's fine—it's important to forget about her.

For the first time, sitting only as a part of memory, Xion imagined that she was glad, for being able to imagine those thoughts.


End file.
